Learning to Communicate

November 7, 2014

Learning to Communicate - Eucharisteo.com{photo compliments of the gifted Pranee Loffer of Beauty for Ashes Photography}

This past year, since our move from the Carolina’s to Nashville, it has been a painful transition. As I said in my last post, I thought this was going to be easy. I thought for sure I was strong enough to go wherever God wanted to lead us. I mean, my goodness, I was open to becoming overseas missionaries. Wow, my heart was in the right place, but

Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered. (Proverbs 28:26 ESV)

If you read last year’s posts you can see how fast the listing/selling/moving process went. And it was crazy because my husband had asked me if I would be up to moving to Nashville and I immediately said yes. We didn’t sit down and talk about it. There really was no discussion, no pros and cons list was made. In my heart I wanted to lovingly submit to my husband. I wanted to encourage him in his work and if moving to Nashville was how I was going to communicate my love to him then that’s what I was going to do. I never once thought about how this would impact our relationship.

We have never argued more, cried more, we’ve never been this frustrated with each other. This has been a painful year. My heart wanted to do the right thing but it ended up tearing me down.

And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing.

I do not have a biblical foundation. So at some point after I became a Christian {at 18} I came across this scripture.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV)

Y’all, I took that scripture and I ran with it. There was no Titus 2 woman in my life to tell me different. I spent the first fourteen years of our marriage laying down my desires. I didn’t think my opinion truly mattered {just being honest with you}.

As frustrating as this past year in Tennessee has been, I’m so thankful for it. I am thankful that I have learned that I do have a voice. That it’s ok to have an opinion. It’s ok to disagree with my husband. Do you see the problems that can arise when you aren’t communicating with your spouse? I was misinterpreting scripture and it was damaging, not just me, but our family.

It should never be normal for your children to see you and your spouse fighting. To see you crying on a daily basis. I was weeping at the thought of the horrible memories we were giving our children. Then my husband said something profound. He said that what they’re seeing is going to show them that we all go through valleys. And when we do, we don’t give up. We don’t throw in the towel. We fight for each other. We take the painful road and we do what we have to do to make it work.

I am so thankful to finally be learning how to communicate with my husband. We have misunderstood each other for years. Men and women are drastically different. When you’re first dating and when you’re first married you believe that the two of you are like twins.

YOU ARE TWO DIFFERENT SOULS!

And that is what makes your relationship beautiful. That’s what makes it work. You are different and you compliment each other.

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them…Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. (Colossians 3:18-19 & 23-24 ESV)

A Note From Jeremy

This has been a difficult year.

I can count on my fingers the number of times Jennica and I fought in the first 14 years of marriage, but we’ve surpassed the total the past year. We’ve discovered that we often think we’re communicating when we’re really not on the same page. We’ve become frustrated thinking we’re expressing how we feel, but then discover the other isn’t understanding the communication.

But this isn’t the end of the story. It’s an opportunity for a new beginning.

We’re spending time re-learning how to communicate with each other. There’s three keys that have helped us improve communication:

  1. Be honest, direct, and timely. When miscommunication has occurred, I have often kept my mouth shut and not addressed the issue right away. Now, when either one of us is upset at something said, we address it immediately. It’s amazing how many times it was simply a miscommunication and there was no ill-will intended. When something happens, be honest and direct, address it at the time it happens.
  2. Really forgive one another. We’re both guilty of bringing up past mistakes even after we’ve forgiven one another. I must release Jennica from things I’ve forgiven her of. For example, there have been times where she’s guilted me over times my job has taken me away. She’s asked for forgiveness for those times. I cannot keep using those times as ammunition in an argument, once forgiven, I cannot keep bringing those times back up.
  3. Speak to each other’s love language. Jennica’s love language is quality time and I have not been very good at speaking her Love Language. Quality time is not only spending time together, it’s spending time together invested into each other. We’re learning to speak each other’s love language to invest in our marriage.

Blessings.

My friends, I’ve been in hiding. I’ve been hiding because I was afraid of the words that I’d share. I was afraid that I couldn’t be that uplifting Christian woman that encourages you.

When There's Nothing to Offer - Eucharisteo.com

I had everything planned out. I was going to travel the world. I was going to speak Life to others. I was going to give everything up for Him. I became a follower of Christ at 18 years of age. The world was before me. And then it wasn’t. I thought that sacrificing myself for others to hear His word meant traveling and speaking out. I didn’t realize it meant giving myself within four walls to six tiny little bodies and to one faithful man.

Being a mother is the greatest sacrifice. To put yourself below others is ridiculously humbling. I thought I could be Katie Davis. I thought I could give everything up. That this world had no grip on me.

You guys, I can’t even move one state over.

This has been the most difficult year of my life. I have realized I’m not as strong as I thought I was. And speaking with other mothers…I’m not alone.

Save me, O God!
For the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in deep mire,
where there is no foothold;
I have come into deep waters,
and the flood sweeps over me.
I am weary with my crying out;
my throat is parched.
My eyes grow dim
with waiting for my God. (Psalm 69:1-3 ESV)

So what do you do when you have nothing left to offer? When you’ve given all you have and you’re empty? When you’re the Giving Tree with nothing left to give?

This morning I sat with my journal and my Bible. Pleading for God to help me. When He opened my eyes to a humbling realization.

I was choosing to be anorexic.

I was not feeding on His word. Yahweh had invited me to a feast and I stood off starving myself when His goodness was all around me. I stood as a wallflower waiting for someone to ask me to dance when the King was right there the entire time with His hand held out.

I told you before what a royal mess I am. What a royal mess we all are.

Life is hard. And we *will* have valleys. Sometimes those valleys are easy to get through and there are going to be times when we won’t have the strength to continue. And right now, I’m parched. So I’m going to the One who offers living water. The One who will carry me. I’ve been trying to be my own strength and it’s not working out. I’m weak, I’m bruised, I’m burdened, I’m heartbroken.

This isn’t easy to write about. But I’m wanting to be open and honest with you. Life. Is. Hard. People are going to hurt you. The enemy is going to fight you. Sometimes we need brought to our knees and reminded that He is our warrior.

I’m going to be praying for you as I know many of you are going through the same struggles. We are nothing but broken jars of clay in deep need of grace. There’s only one Savior, and it’s not you. You can’t save anyone. All you can do is point others to the Father who loves like no other. Let go of the grasp you think you have on your future. You don’t have control. He’s going to use you for His glory. I don’t know what that looks like for you…or for me. All I know is that we have to be willing to hold our hands open to the One who gave us life.

Stay in His word. Pray. Know that He’s listening to you. Know that He truly does care for you.

 

Blessings.

Exploring Young Living Oils - Eucharisteo.com

I’m new to essential oils. I’ve heard about them for a long time and I’ve used *some* in the past, but once I began using Young Living – y’all, everything has changed. I don’t want to come off as a salesman. If you haven’t dived into the world of essential oils I really think you should give them a try. Of course, I would love if you’d go through me, but I really just want you to try them no matter how you get them. Continue Reading…

Muscadines – move over PSL

September 4, 2014

Muscadines - eucharisteo.com

Y’all can enjoy your Pumpkin Spice Latte all you want but it’s not autumn until the muscadines are out. Continue Reading…

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Photojennica - Selecting a Lens - Eucharisteo.com

In part one I told you about what cameras I recommend. Now we’re heading over to learn about what lenses are best {in my opinion}. First you need to know what your subject is. Are you photographing people? Children? Food? Weddings? This really is too big of a subject for one lil post but I’ll expand on this later. If you’re really just starting out and already spent all your money on your camera then the first thing you need to do is read the manual. Don’t get all focused on lenses. Learn your camera first. Just play around with the kit lens for now.

As you’ll see, the lenses I recommend are costly. But what can I say? Some girls like shoes and clothes and pedicures. I like glass. That’s why you won’t see me in front of the the camera too often ;)

I just spent the evening chasing my toddler around for you guys. I want to show you the difference in lens selection. First up is the 18-55mm kit lens.

Photojennica - Lens Selection - Eucharisteo.com Continue Reading…